Cos that's how I roll

  Yeah, it was great, the food was amazing. What did you expect me to say? However, that wasn't the achievement and in fact, we had too many people for the food to really shine. I ended up feeding thirty five but given the facilities, twenty five should be the limit but it was all fine. Plates came back empty and there were plenty of complements but that's all irrelevant.

  Imagine Usain Bolt turning up and at the starting blocks and someone attaches a ball and chain to him. Or if Lewis Hamilton takes pole position and just before the lights go out his car gets clamped. Game over, right? Not in my world.

Your starter for ten.

  What I'm about to tell you happened exactly as I'll tell it. Firstly, you'll remember the decorators are in so I don't have the full run of my flat. I've had a few days to get used to this so it's inconvenient at worst, even if I had to stop cooking and spend an hour and a half today dismantling my living room so they could move in there to paint. No biggie.

  Next I got a call from the owner of the space where the food is to be served in six hours. Serious family emergency, she's getting on a plane home. The space will be mostly set up but she's not going to be there to help. That's ok, I've two friends who will be... Oh, no! Another call comes in. One of my friends has had his wallet stolen while moving house and that's number two gone.

  So with the help of one, (fortunately very talented), friend I arrived at the space to serve up. I was cooking for one third of a large group of travel agents and had been given the usual list of dietary requirements. Somehow another third of the group turned up instead with a different set of dietary requirements. That was interesting. Then I found out that one of the directors of the company who had invited the travel agents over was also going to be coming. No pressure. Everything went so smoothly you'd think I was made of silk.

  The only point at which I broke into a sweat or experienced a higher than normal pulse rate was when I was running around loading up my car. I've no idea why none of the obstacles caused me to skip a beat but I do know I had a lot of fun. You'll have to excuse me, I've got to show some Buddhists how to chill the fuck out.

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Kirk out

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