Give him a Pulitzer
Buckle up because I'm about to get sarcastic. There was a story on the BBC that slotted in right between the one about the earth being round and the one about water being wet and just before the prediction the sun was set to rise in the morning. I'm not sure who it was meant for as the only folk who would be unaware of the issue would be beings from another planet who had popped on to earth for a little mooch around or the sort of people who were so mentally deficient that they're not allowed out in public unaccompanied in case they get lost or start licking park benches.
The scoop being shared by the insightful Nick Triggle, (on the ball health correspondent for the BBC), was that food outlets engage in a practice called upselling. You may not be familiar with the term but you sure as shit have been upsold to at some point. Any phrase that sounds vaguely similar to, 'would you like fries with that?' is upselling. Staff are encouraged to engage in this because, it was shockingly revealed, the food distribution organisation they work for is a business which benefits from making money by selling more. Amazing but true!
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Thank fuck we've got this Triggle fellow out there watching our backs because before he pointed that out I had no idea where the extra wobbly pounds sagging over my belt buckle, limiting access to my genitals were coming from. It had never occurred to me that if I chose to 'go large', 'get fries with that' or 'have some whipped cream on my hot choco-frapa-latta-ding-dong-a-
As a small aside, years ago I worked in a busy bar where the owners, (a large corporation), wanted us to upsell spirits. 'Vodka tonic. Certainly. Would sir like the Grey Goose or the Stolichnaya?' We couldn't be bothered because it slowed things up too much and they wouldn't put us on commission. Pretty shortsighted because nothing motivates a barman like money. (And sex. Obviously.)
The only conclusion I can draw is that Triggle is a moron who has been in a coma since birth and the wags he works with fed him the 'scoop' as a joke and he ran with it thinking he was about to save us from our ignorance and lack of self control. I don't need to finish this off with any sort of poignant conclusion because anything I say, such as the observation that if anyone needs to be warned about upselling being a hazard to their health then they probably can't actually read anyway, will be twice as obvious as his piece. However, I do urge you to read the article for its utter, eye-rolling pointlessness.
Kirk out of patience
RevoltingFood.com
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