What? Gruel again?

  Picture the scene; it's about ten thousand years ago and you, along with your merry troupe of hunter gatherers, have decided to settle down somewhere.

  Though you're better organised to make sure there's a regular supply of food because you've started farming, you don't have the variety that you used to. Dull.

  While roaming around following the food, you came across all sorts of different variations in your diet. Yummy!  

  While roaming, you had to keep the number of kids down as they would slow your progress. Yipee! (This attitude towards kids may not be shared by your readership. -Ed.).

  But now you're settled you can fuck and spawn like rabbits, (Is that kind of language absolutely necessary? -Ed.), because you're basically breeding a hoard of farm workers.

The Revolting Chef makes Quiche

Here's a little video I made earlier. 

  Because there are so many of you living in a small place, in your mess, in a place where diseases can flourish, (not to mention the rodents and insects), you're experiencing more illness. Yucky! Boo!

  However, in many thousands of years time, the natural resilience you developed because of this, made you better at conquering others. Yay! but I'll get back to that in a later chapter.

  Because of this mix of pros and cons, moving from transient to settled, (known as the Neolithic Revolution, in case it comes up in a pub quiz), took a long time to happen. As interesting as all of this is, there is a point related to something I mentioned at the beginning.

  You would have pretty much relied on one crop. Can you imagine eating wheat or millet or barley, or... (we get it. -Ed), for what must have felt like eternity? After a while you'd become homicidal or inventive. So you came up with all sorts of ways of processing the seeds from the grass to make a gruel, (later rebranded as porridge due to a slump in sales), and bread etc. The first bread was flat, i.e. unrisen, but later it became fluffier as you worked out how to ferment the dough before baking.

  The quiche in the video is a direct descendant of this as it's based on a simple dough of milled wheat grains mixed with water and fat.

Real men may eat quiche but our ancient ancestors definitely did.

Kirk out of the forest and into a village