Linzer Torte bitches!

  You may think the Austrian's have a chequered past connected to their possible right leaning tendencies, (notice how I'm phrasing this carefully), but no matter what horror stories you've heard, nothing is more chilling than the contribution of those from the town of Linz.

  So egregious is the tart that takes the name of the town that no one knows anything more about its origins. All we do know is that it's banned by weight watchers; is on a UNESCO watchlist and has its own HAZCHEM labelling for anyone crossing international borders with more than a small slice of the stuff.

  As I've been invited to a gathering for tomorrow night's celebrations, I thought I'd throw caution to the wind and make one for my fellow revellers. If you've not come across Linzertorte before, it's all about the base (no treble). From a distance it looks like a jam tart but the jam is not much more than decoration. Unlike normal tarts, the thicker the pastry the better as it's very rich and heavily spiced. It's just an excuse for the world's largest and most sophisticated Jammy dodger.

Let your belt out, here comes dessert.

  I'm going to share my recipe with you but there is a caveat. Make and serve it at your own risk. I will not be held responsible for any consequences arising from your casual behaviour. The same applies to sharing the recipe, don't be giving it to muppets. Right, now you've been warned, here's what you need to know.

Ingredients

300g plain flour

100g ground roasted hazelnuts

100g ground almonds

100g icing sugar

a good grating of nutmeg

1 tsp. ground cinnamon

1 tsp. clove powder

big pinch of salt

250g butter. (Very cold)

zest of one lemon 

2 egg yolks

Seedless raspberry jam or similar.

Another egg for glazing

  Mix all the dry ingredients (everything listed before the butter) and the butter cut into small (about 1cm) cubes. Either rub the butter in to the powder or buzz in a food processor until you have fine breadcrumbs. 

Add the lemon zest and egg yolks, stir in then bring the mix together into a ball and put in the fridge for at least half an hour.

  Get an 8-10 inch tart tin with a push out base and use about two thirds of the pastry to line the base and sides. Use a thick layer as it really is delicious. Also the dough is pretty sticky so roll it between two sheets of cling film then use your fingers to push it around. Unlike regular pastry it's easy to stick together if it cracks.

Now is a good time to turn on your oven to about 175-180c

  Once the base is lined, spread a layer of jam over the base then reach for the remaining dough. Roll it out to make strips and put a lattice like in the picture. Actually, don't worry if you don't get a perfect weave like me, I'm OCD and there's no need to compete. Just have fun and do what you fancy.

Finally, when you're happy with your creation, brush the pastry with egg and as your oven will be hot enough, put in the tart. Mine took 40 mins but have a little look a bit before to make sure it's not burning.

  As I'm a seasoned professional when it comes to life threatening desserts, I used a mince pie spiced apple and pear filling instead of the jam. Do not be tempted to recreate this at home however, the consequences could be fatal.

Kirk out

RevoltingFood.com