In case you're interested

  Because you're struggling to stay warm in this miserable bout of atmospheric punishment, I thought you'd like to know about some other critters that thrive in the warmth you give them, despite you having never seen them and despite having no interest in their comfort or survival.

  To get straight to the point, (Yes, please get to the point. -Ed), as careful as you think you are at cleaning up and maintaining a relatively germ free environment in your kitchen, without realising it you're probably maintaining a nice little colony of the little bastards right now. To make this fun, I'm gonna drop a few clues and you see if you can work it out on the way to the punchline. Ready? Then away we go.

  Germs, like the rest of us, do like a cosy bit of warmth. The also benefit from a bit of moisture, so anywhere that's warm and damp is like a Butlins with a free buffet for our teeny little friends. This is the major reason that health and safety guidelines tell you that if you've made something like a nice stew and you're not eating it immediately you either keep it too hot for them to get cosy, (above 60c) or too cold, (below 4c).

  But you don't have any pots of food sitting around so where are you growing your germs? I'll make it easy for you. When you clean up, by which I mean wiping down your surfaces, you get your sponge cloth, possibly also a spray bottle with some anti-bacterial juice and give it a thorough going over. You'll then put the rinse the cloth vigorously in some nice hot water and leave it somewhere near the sink until you need it again. Whoopsie.

  All you really did was make the cloth beautifully warm and damp before leaving it for the colony to party and fuck like maniacs so the next time you use it, it's fuller of bacteria than ever. Don't freak out though. There's no need for you to throw away all your cutlery and crockery and spend the rest of your life eating baked beans straight from the can with disposables. All you need to do is introduce your cloths and sponges to boiling water from time to time. If I'm on the case, every other day or so I'll put them in a pan or jug, cover them with plenty of water from a kettle and give it a little stir. In no time the party's over and all the friendly microbes have been scorched up to germ heaven. Or wherever they go.

Kirk out

RevoltingFood.com