Getting it out of my system

  Ages ago I heard about a place called Temple of Seitan. Before I get in to this I should explain about seitan and that it's a very clever name. Seitan, (pronounced Satan) is wheat gluten. You've never heard of it because it's generally only eaten by vegans looking for a little meatiness. Imagine boiling a bread dough. You end up with a firm, stodgy lump but if you boil it in a rich tasty broth it's possible to infuse it with flavour so eating it gives the impression of something meaty. If you're vegan it's as close as you're going to get to steak.

  Temple of Seitan serves burgers and other fast food type things made from seitan. From the reviews, it sounded pretty good and knowing there's better and worse versions of seitan I thought I'd have a try. It has been on my to do list for a while and last night the opportunity arose so off I went. 

Summer in a glass.

  Up until now things have sounded hopeful but that's only because I've reserved my ire for last. Firstly, this company doesn't only serve vegans, it's run by the fuckers. Normally I'll try to dismiss any stereotypes of vegans, especially as I've occasionally flirted with joining their ranks but this lot conform to every flaky, hippy, hipster stereotype I can imagine. If there was such thing as a tie dyed website, theirs would be it. Totally uninformative and last updated when it was first published so completely out of date with no way of contacting them to check or confirm anything. Muppets.

  When I arrived at their Hackney branch it was reassuringly busy. I ordered and waited. In the spirit of wasting neither of our time, all I need to tell you is that -and I generally have a very high tolerance for food of this type- I didn't finish my burger. I ate about two thirds of it and decided I'd rather fill myself on the food in my fridge, so I binned it. It was so disappointing that I actually am hoping they don't succeed and have to close. I'm glad I tried it so it's crossed off my list and it's a shame they aren't better because the name is great but they can't close for business fast enough in my mean spirited opinion. Even vegans deserve better and I know there is better.

  To wash the taste out of my mouth and to use up delicious fruit, I have the perfect solution. In today's photo you can see a perfect way to end any day, not just one polluted by vegan nonsense. What you're looking at my friends is a summery peach daiquiri. Into a blender I put the peeled flesh of four peaches, a little squeeze of lemon juice, a dash of agave, a few ice cubes and a festive splash of dark rum. A few sips of that and I'd totally forgotten about... Sorry, what was I saying?

Kirk out

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