It's all go!

  For any endeavour one embarks on, preparation is key to success, as you know from the amount of fannying about you engage in when you're only going away for the weekend. You leave half an hour late with two suitcases full of junk, most of which never gets unpacked. That's preparation.

  It's no different with the trip that kind of starts tomorrow except that this year there's a kind of unofficial competition started by Cosmo and I to see who can pack the lightest. Stumpy is always good at this so the pressure's on to come with the bare minimum and pack lighter than him. Remember that included in my bare minimum will be a cocktail shaker, a chef's knife and a wafer thin sushi rolling mat. I'm still confident.

Serious research.

  The other bit of preparation that's about to start is the fine tuning of this year's cocktail. Years ago, when I was shaking cocktails for a living, I came up with a recipe or two of my own and this is one of them. I'll share the recipe with you here as I know it's a winner but, and I assure you this is purely in the interest of thorough research, I'll be revisiting and revising to make sure it can't be improved on.

  Before I tell you the recipe, please promise me you'll stay away from heavy machinery after so much as a sip as it will definitely impair whatever skill and dexterity you had at the start. There's a classic cocktail called a Rusty Nail which is two parts scotch with one part Drambuie. Drambuie is scotch with honey, herbs and spices and it's quite sweet so I get adding more scotch to make it a bit drier but I took it one step further.

  In my version, make a Rusty Nail but use Jack Daniels or Jim Beam instead of scotch and top it up with equal parts OJ and Cranberry. I called it a Spermicidal Maniac for no particular reason and it is remarkably delicious. However, I want to see if I might make it a bit more refreshing. As good as my original is, if you want something a bit more refreshing on a hot, sunny day, add a squeeze of lemon and a splash of sparkling water. Scrummy.

Tomorrow the sparks will fly!

Kirk out

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