Slightly distracted

  The most important technique of pastry making that will really make the difference between success and failure is the… Fuck it! There’s no way I can concentrate on the finer aspects of messing about with edible play-doh when there are more pressing matters weighing on my mind.

  As you may remember, a few weeks ago some pond scum relieved me of the lovely Martine while I was enjoying a lovely dinner. She had been parked outside when I went in but had vanished by the time I emerged. Your words of condolences were very comforting and helped me enormously through the grieving process.​​​​​​​

  However, life goes on and insurances companies write cheques. So with her loss a fading memory and recompense received, I’m ready to welcome her replacement into my life. Before I do, let’s be clear about something. If you think I sound cold and unsentimental just moving from one bike to the next like I don’t care, a motorbike may have personality but it’s not unique and it’s easily replaceable and adjustable.

  I loved Martine’s personality so much that I’m going to replace her with a clone. Superficially there will be differences but the replacement will have the same heart beating in her chest and will exude the same soul. If you’re familiar with Blade Runner, this will make sense; I’ve found a replicant designed for pleasure that I really like. She vanished and I’ve replaced her with the same model in a different wig. You get the idea.

  Anyway, I’m very excited because as I write this I’m on a train heading to pick her up. It’s freezing cold but the sky is clear and (partly) blue and I’ve got my electric, heated gloves in my bag ready to keep my hands toasty warm during my onward journey. There is a bit more to tell you about pastry which I’ll do tomorrow, so don’t worry about being left in the lurch. Until then, think of me grinning happily as I wihip along through the  countryside on the lovely…

Oh, she hasn’t got a name yet. Any suggestions?

Kirk out

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