Return of the press gang

  In case you had misunderstood the brief, we have a long way to go until your homework assignments are unnecessary, on top of which there's another element that I need to introduce. As you will see this may not be relevant to you but I want you to take it on board anyway as you may be able to make it work in other ways.

  From now on you are not going to be the only one fiddling with your food. You're going to become a recruiter for fellow food fiddlers. Here's how it works; because I'm convinced that being able to not only adjust recipes but create your own is a good idea, it follows that the more people there are doing it the better and that's why you're going on a recruitment drive.

Motorcycling can be exhausting so

make sure to stop and take a break occasionally.

  Before you start freaking out that I'm going to coerce you to head off into the streets to accost strangers, I've a better plan. Have a look around your house and see if you can find any small people, especially dependents who are probably relatives, who rely on you for food. This is your target market.

  If you encounter any resistance, instead of the usual incentives like the cattle prod, pepper spray or (and most convincing of all) shutting off the internet, I suggest a different tactic. Convince them it's a game. That's right, make it fun. Now instead of having to tell them not to play with their food, encourage it.

  Once they're into the idea of adding different garnishes and sprinkles to customise their plates of food, invite them into the kitchen so they can fuck with their food at a more fundamental level. Before long they'll be choosing a recipe they like the look of and completely remodelling it into their style. But let's not get ahead of ourselves here, firstly you've got some recruitment to do.

Kirk out

RevoltingFood.com